Email Diary

January 29, 2000 - Taking Strength from Breast Cancer Survivors

Thank you again for your encouraging notes and cards and calls. You are so special!!

Lest you think that I am not human, I must confess that this has been a week of emotional ups and downs. I think it is because I'm tired - physically and of being poked and prodded by doctors. I am not anxious about the surgery, but get blue now and then thinking about the what ifs and the maybes. And angry, because so many women still get breast cancer and so many people contract cancer of some type - we should have a cure for this by now!! The major thing that has kept me going and mostly cheerful is you - I can't really begin to tell you how much your staying in contact with me means. I truly feel cared for and prayed for and cherished.

I had lunch this week with a couple of gals who are breast cancer survivors and in our local support network. It helped tremendously to talk with them face to face and hear about their experiences first hand - the delicious lunches didn't hurt either. My good friend, Christie, and I had lunch on Wednesday and went wig shopping - after dissolving in giggles at how some of the wigs looked (I'm definitely not a sultry, long black hair type, nor a long, curly redhead type) we settled on one that matches my existing blonde color.

Thursday I went through all the pre admission paperwork, blood testing (more needles) and EKG. Wouldn't have been too bad except like all doctor things seem to be, it was early in the morning! And then they told me that I don't have to be at the hospital at 5:30 AM - I have to be there at 5!!!! In the afternoon I got my hair cut from a bit longer than chin length to about 1 1/2 inches all over. I think it will be easier to care for during the surgery and convalescence. However, it was such a sign of what is to come!

Friday I had an ultrasound of the pelvis - seems there were some "lesions" on the CAT scan and they wanted to make sure they were only cysts - they were. So I've gone through the last hoop before surgery on Monday.

But life goes on. Roy and I went to a wine tasting and dinner at the Club last night - great fun. We sat at the same table as my surgeon - Roy told him to be sure and get a good night's sleep on Sunday! :-) Tomorrow, assuming it's not raining and over 70 degrees, we girls will play Inga golf (more for fun and socializing than to keep score). After golf we head into the big soiree that the Club is throwing in honor of my surgery, The Super Boob Party!!...or is that Super BOWL Party?! :-) Nothing to eat or drink after midnight and then the early wake-up to go and get put back to sleep. I'll probably come home on Tuesday if all goes well, but I've been told I can stay until Wednesday if I feel I need to.

Please pray for three things for me this weekend and on Monday: 1) For Roy - like a lot of guys, he doesn't talk a lot about what he's feeling, but internalizes it and figures he should be able to handle it; 2) For the doctors and nurses and the rest of the hospital staff - that they will be rested and sharp for my surgery and those to follow; 2) For me - that I will be able to be my positive self through the next few days despite the prodding and pain.

You have been so wonderful. I truly love you and wish you many hugs and oodles of blessings!

Deb